Try it you might like it!

Well tonight I actually typed up some of my thoughts!

It was not that bad when I started, by the time I finished I had
actually written 3 and a third pages! I did not think that I could
write so much. It felt slightly freeing but yet I still felt slightly
anxious.

I guess it will take time. My opening statement was actually about me
maybe one day using these thoughts for a book. I am not sure but you
never know.

Watch this space for the 'Ordinary mans life!'

Not to sure what to blog about today, but I thought that I should at
least type something (no doubt it will be of very little importance!).

I have had a guy follow me around today to see what I do as he is
thinking of taking a year out with LCET and so wanted an idea of what
it was like. It is always strange having someone shadow you as you
become accustomed to working on your own and not having to think about
what they can do. It is nice to have the company though.

Well next week will be hard as I have 3 SCHOOL TRIPS to go on! What a
hard life. It will be really good as I will get to spend quality time
with lots of young people.

Met with my mentor on Saturday which was really good, I tried to be
open as possible and said that it will take me time but I am pushing
myself to do it. I am not sure whether it is just a male thing or just
me. I guess my fear is being vulnerable and getting hurt. Maybe it is
commitment and actually giving my all to someone? Many questions and
very few answers.

On a completely different note I saw a great article on the BBC news
website about a pack of dolphins who protected a some swimmers from a
great white shark attack! How cool
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/4034383.stm

Read Acts 13: 13-52 today, very encouraging about sharing the Gospel
under pressure. Check it out!

Closed Book

I am just starting to realise how much of a closed book I am.

One of the ideas about blogging was to help me put what i am feeling
and thinking down in words. But then the feeling that someone I know
might read it terrifies me!

I spend most of my day speaking to young people who are having major
problems or feel they can not speak to anyone else, so I listen to them
and try and shed some light on what can be really dark situations, but
when I need to talk I just bottle it up. I meet with my mentor but I
do not share anything of any major importance (why do I waste his
time?).

Just the other night I had a conversation with someone that was heading
down the road of how I feel and am feeling. I thought about actually
talking but then could not, I shared some very minor detail but then
reverted to my usual defense of humor or silently smile! It worked,
for now.

They then said to me 'you don't tell anyone anything, do you'. To
which I just said 'not really'.

I know that I do not need to be the kind of person who shares
everything with everyone, but I do recognise that if I do not learn to
share my feelings and emotions I may well cripple every relationship
that i ever have. How can I expect someone t share everything with me,
and yet give nothing in return?