When we make big decisions in life they can affect many people, even
when we know it is best for us, it does not take away the pain that we
feel when we see people that we love hurt.
Recently (a few months ago now) I made some decisions that affect lots
of people that I love and care for very much. Each day I have to deal
with some guilt for hurting them, I have to deal with the fact that
some of them think I did the wrong thing, I get encouragement from some
that think I did the right thing for me and others just do not say
anything.
I now have to face the new challenge of just getting on with my life
and trying to leave that guilt and pain behind (easier said than done).
Also the challenge of becoming more open as a person, blogging is
helping. I do not want to be someone that people look at and think
'he's got it all together' I want to give off a real view, I want to
let the guard down a bit, show that I am human too.
I have been challenged to be more open with some people that are close
to me, this has been hard but also rewarding, each time it feels as if
a little weight has been lifted off.
I am only a short way on this journey of openness, a journey that I am
sure will never end as I do not see myself ever being someone who
shares everything with the world and it's mother, but I plan to be more
open to all and especially those closest to me.
All I can say is keep reading!
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Cold place to be
The house is a cold place to be as the heating has decided that it does
not want to work properly right now! I think it may be warmer in the
garden right now.
Had a really encouraging email today from an old friend (Hairs) who
said that my blog is quite deep. If you knew me you would know that
that is the last thing most people would say about me!
It got me thinking and reading back on what I have already written on
this blog. I see that I am still on this journey of faith even though
there have been times recently where I thought I had given up. Just a
few week ago I hit another one of those walls where everything seems
useless and God seems so far away and you get stuck in that hole of 'I
have not spoken to God in so long that I can't stat now!'
Thankfully again God has helped me out of that hole. still some days I
slip back in a bit, but He has my hand. I have had a couple of verses
that have kept me sain recently Romans 12:12, By joyful in hope,
patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. Right now there do not
seem to be more true words to try and live by. The other is the story
of where Jesus turned water into wine (John 2), it is a story that I
have heard so many times but I have never seen what I see now, before!
This is how I see it....
Jesus is asked by his mum (Mary) to sort out some more wine (she
obvisouly liked a tipple!), he says it is not time for him yet, but she
tells the catering staff to do as he says.
So Jesus gets them to fill these huge jugs/barrels (they seem to be
small swimming pools) with water. Then he gets them to take a normal
sized jug of the water to the wine taster. He checks it out and says
that is ab fab! Wine taster asks the bridegroom why he left the best
wine till last!
Now that i have retold it I will now tell you what i got from this!
mary had the faith to ask Jesus to help her enjoy the wedding/life
Jesus could have said, no I am not making any wine, but instead he made
the best wine and loads of it! He wants us to enjoy life and life to
the full. So often I feel that Christians do
not like to have to much fun as they feel that would be wrong because
Christianity is all about persecution.
God made the world and he made life and he wants us to enjoy it, and
when we are having a hard time he wants us to live as Paul did when he
wrote to the church in Rome!
This story has uplifted me and has helped me to remember how much God
loves me and wants the best for me, even though I choose wrong each
day.
not want to work properly right now! I think it may be warmer in the
garden right now.
Had a really encouraging email today from an old friend (Hairs) who
said that my blog is quite deep. If you knew me you would know that
that is the last thing most people would say about me!
It got me thinking and reading back on what I have already written on
this blog. I see that I am still on this journey of faith even though
there have been times recently where I thought I had given up. Just a
few week ago I hit another one of those walls where everything seems
useless and God seems so far away and you get stuck in that hole of 'I
have not spoken to God in so long that I can't stat now!'
Thankfully again God has helped me out of that hole. still some days I
slip back in a bit, but He has my hand. I have had a couple of verses
that have kept me sain recently Romans 12:12, By joyful in hope,
patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. Right now there do not
seem to be more true words to try and live by. The other is the story
of where Jesus turned water into wine (John 2), it is a story that I
have heard so many times but I have never seen what I see now, before!
This is how I see it....
Jesus is asked by his mum (Mary) to sort out some more wine (she
obvisouly liked a tipple!), he says it is not time for him yet, but she
tells the catering staff to do as he says.
So Jesus gets them to fill these huge jugs/barrels (they seem to be
small swimming pools) with water. Then he gets them to take a normal
sized jug of the water to the wine taster. He checks it out and says
that is ab fab! Wine taster asks the bridegroom why he left the best
wine till last!
Now that i have retold it I will now tell you what i got from this!
mary had the faith to ask Jesus to help her enjoy the wedding/life
Jesus could have said, no I am not making any wine, but instead he made
the best wine and loads of it! He wants us to enjoy life and life to
the full. So often I feel that Christians do
not like to have to much fun as they feel that would be wrong because
Christianity is all about persecution.
God made the world and he made life and he wants us to enjoy it, and
when we are having a hard time he wants us to live as Paul did when he
wrote to the church in Rome!
This story has uplifted me and has helped me to remember how much God
loves me and wants the best for me, even though I choose wrong each
day.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
New Year, New Start... (as always!)
Well it is 2005 and I have just realised that i have not yet blogged
this year! How have I managed to survive?
So far the year has been good, I know that we are only 17 days into it,
but so far so good! The boys and I decided to detox for the month and
that is going well.
I have been writing down my thoughts and feeling (with the idea of
never showing anyone!) and this has been really helpful. At first it
was quite hard to be honest with myself as I kept having the thought
'what if someone reads it?' but then I thought how is anyone going to
be able to get hold of it and read it?
It has been freeing and a real breath of fresh air. Being able to be
open and think of things clearly and to follow through a thought has
been great. When I go back and read what I have written I can see
where I have progressed and where i need to keep pushing myself.
I am also trying to be more open with people, this is not going as
well, but I am trying.
Everything else has been pretty good, training is going well, church is
pretty good, car has been MOT'd and did not cost too much and I have
brought new football boots and running trainers! I am not sure life
can get any better?
I really like New Year as you are able to look back and take stock of
the past year and think about what you want from the year ahead.
I hope and pray that you all have great hopes and dreams for this New
Year.
As yet I have not made any resolutions but I will keep you posted.
this year! How have I managed to survive?
So far the year has been good, I know that we are only 17 days into it,
but so far so good! The boys and I decided to detox for the month and
that is going well.
I have been writing down my thoughts and feeling (with the idea of
never showing anyone!) and this has been really helpful. At first it
was quite hard to be honest with myself as I kept having the thought
'what if someone reads it?' but then I thought how is anyone going to
be able to get hold of it and read it?
It has been freeing and a real breath of fresh air. Being able to be
open and think of things clearly and to follow through a thought has
been great. When I go back and read what I have written I can see
where I have progressed and where i need to keep pushing myself.
I am also trying to be more open with people, this is not going as
well, but I am trying.
Everything else has been pretty good, training is going well, church is
pretty good, car has been MOT'd and did not cost too much and I have
brought new football boots and running trainers! I am not sure life
can get any better?
I really like New Year as you are able to look back and take stock of
the past year and think about what you want from the year ahead.
I hope and pray that you all have great hopes and dreams for this New
Year.
As yet I have not made any resolutions but I will keep you posted.
Monday, January 17, 2005
New Year, New Start ... (as always!)
Well it is 2005 and I have just realised that i have not yet blogged
this year! How have I managed to survive?
So far the year has been good, I know that we are only 17 days into it,
but so far so good! The boys and I decided to detox for the month and
that is going well.
I have been writing down my thoughts and feeling (with the idea of
never showing anyone!) and this has been really helpful. At first it
was quite hard to be honest with myself as I kept having the thought
'what if someone reads it?' but then I thought how is anyone going to
be able to get hold of it and read it?
It has been freeing and a real breath of fresh air. Being able to be
open and think of things clearly and to follow through a thought has
been great. When I go back and read what I have written I can see
where I have progressed and where i need to keep pushing myself.
I am also trying to be more open with people, this is not going as
well, but I am trying.
Everything else has been pretty good, training is going well, church is
pretty good, car has been MOT'd and did not cost too much and I have
brought new football boots and running trainers! I am not sure life
can get any better?
I really like New Year as you are able to look back and take stock of
the past year and think about what you want from the year ahead.
I hope and pray that you all have great hopes and dreams for this New
Year.
As yet I have not made any resolutions but I will keep you posted.
this year! How have I managed to survive?
So far the year has been good, I know that we are only 17 days into it,
but so far so good! The boys and I decided to detox for the month and
that is going well.
I have been writing down my thoughts and feeling (with the idea of
never showing anyone!) and this has been really helpful. At first it
was quite hard to be honest with myself as I kept having the thought
'what if someone reads it?' but then I thought how is anyone going to
be able to get hold of it and read it?
It has been freeing and a real breath of fresh air. Being able to be
open and think of things clearly and to follow through a thought has
been great. When I go back and read what I have written I can see
where I have progressed and where i need to keep pushing myself.
I am also trying to be more open with people, this is not going as
well, but I am trying.
Everything else has been pretty good, training is going well, church is
pretty good, car has been MOT'd and did not cost too much and I have
brought new football boots and running trainers! I am not sure life
can get any better?
I really like New Year as you are able to look back and take stock of
the past year and think about what you want from the year ahead.
I hope and pray that you all have great hopes and dreams for this New
Year.
As yet I have not made any resolutions but I will keep you posted.
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