Closed Book

I am just starting to realise how much of a closed book I am.

One of the ideas about blogging was to help me put what i am feeling
and thinking down in words. But then the feeling that someone I know
might read it terrifies me!

I spend most of my day speaking to young people who are having major
problems or feel they can not speak to anyone else, so I listen to them
and try and shed some light on what can be really dark situations, but
when I need to talk I just bottle it up. I meet with my mentor but I
do not share anything of any major importance (why do I waste his
time?).

Just the other night I had a conversation with someone that was heading
down the road of how I feel and am feeling. I thought about actually
talking but then could not, I shared some very minor detail but then
reverted to my usual defense of humor or silently smile! It worked,
for now.

They then said to me 'you don't tell anyone anything, do you'. To
which I just said 'not really'.

I know that I do not need to be the kind of person who shares
everything with everyone, but I do recognise that if I do not learn to
share my feelings and emotions I may well cripple every relationship
that i ever have. How can I expect someone t share everything with me,
and yet give nothing in return?