Where is the community?

Blogging seems to be the new way of sharing your life. As I walked
around the conference during the lunch break I heard people talking
about catching up by swapping, wait for it ..... Blog Address!

Here i am saying this on a blog! Hypocrite! Are we becoming a society
that no longer engages with each other? A society that no longer has
physical community, but only cyber community? It feels that we are
individuals only coexisting together not living together. When I was
a kid we mainly shopped at the local outlets (bakers, butchers, grocers
etc), the shop owners knew me and I them. Now I go to Sainsburys and
stroll around on my own, usually listening to music. When I get to the
check out I am asked or even told the standard customer relation
question 'Hi, how are you today?!'

A question that the 18 year old college student is not really expecting
me to answer, let alone ask them the question!

No-one seems interested in anyone but themselves. Our worlds evolve
around us! Where has the community gone?

On the other hand I find myself building community with strangers that
I see on a regular basis - the lady who walks her dog as i leave for
work, the guy down the gym who trains at the same time as me, the lady
behind the counter at Bodycare who I see each week. I only know one of
there names, but yet there seems to be some mutual connection.

So where do we go from here?

Try it you might like it!

Well tonight I actually typed up some of my thoughts!

It was not that bad when I started, by the time I finished I had
actually written 3 and a third pages! I did not think that I could
write so much. It felt slightly freeing but yet I still felt slightly
anxious.

I guess it will take time. My opening statement was actually about me
maybe one day using these thoughts for a book. I am not sure but you
never know.

Watch this space for the 'Ordinary mans life!'

Not to sure what to blog about today, but I thought that I should at
least type something (no doubt it will be of very little importance!).

I have had a guy follow me around today to see what I do as he is
thinking of taking a year out with LCET and so wanted an idea of what
it was like. It is always strange having someone shadow you as you
become accustomed to working on your own and not having to think about
what they can do. It is nice to have the company though.

Well next week will be hard as I have 3 SCHOOL TRIPS to go on! What a
hard life. It will be really good as I will get to spend quality time
with lots of young people.

Met with my mentor on Saturday which was really good, I tried to be
open as possible and said that it will take me time but I am pushing
myself to do it. I am not sure whether it is just a male thing or just
me. I guess my fear is being vulnerable and getting hurt. Maybe it is
commitment and actually giving my all to someone? Many questions and
very few answers.

On a completely different note I saw a great article on the BBC news
website about a pack of dolphins who protected a some swimmers from a
great white shark attack! How cool
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/4034383.stm

Read Acts 13: 13-52 today, very encouraging about sharing the Gospel
under pressure. Check it out!

Closed Book

I am just starting to realise how much of a closed book I am.

One of the ideas about blogging was to help me put what i am feeling
and thinking down in words. But then the feeling that someone I know
might read it terrifies me!

I spend most of my day speaking to young people who are having major
problems or feel they can not speak to anyone else, so I listen to them
and try and shed some light on what can be really dark situations, but
when I need to talk I just bottle it up. I meet with my mentor but I
do not share anything of any major importance (why do I waste his
time?).

Just the other night I had a conversation with someone that was heading
down the road of how I feel and am feeling. I thought about actually
talking but then could not, I shared some very minor detail but then
reverted to my usual defense of humor or silently smile! It worked,
for now.

They then said to me 'you don't tell anyone anything, do you'. To
which I just said 'not really'.

I know that I do not need to be the kind of person who shares
everything with everyone, but I do recognise that if I do not learn to
share my feelings and emotions I may well cripple every relationship
that i ever have. How can I expect someone t share everything with me,
and yet give nothing in return?

Words of Encouragement

This morning as I was praying and reading, which let me say has been
really hard to do recently in the light of what has been happening, as
I finished I read Psalm 34 and wow what a Psalm. It talked about those
who as struggling if they keep close to the Lord he will deliver them,
it did not say He would stop what is happening (shame I know) but it
said that His strength would get me through, and that is what i needed
to hear today.

If you have never read it before, I encourage you to do it today, do it
now, we all go through though times and we all wish we did not, but I
know I have a power much stronger than me to help me through, His name
is Jesus.

Hope you too are encouraged by this Psalm!

Fast spin is here!!

Well today is a good day in many ways as we now have the long awaited
washing machine!! I can now create the wet cloths for the tumble
dryer.

I have not been to good at this blogging thing, I keep forgetting.
Well life has been hard recently as I had to make major decisions that
affect all of me not just certain areas, but every area. It has been
hard and it will get harder but I feel that it is the right thing to
do, that does not make it any easier, if only!

It is funny how when you go through a tough time it makes you evaluate
everything and how it shows so much about yourself, the good and the
bad. I have realised that I am extremely secretive and do not share
how I feel on any other level than a superficial level. I can not bare
the thought of being open and venerable to anyone. I have found out
how high I rate trust in any relationship. I have found out that i
have so much baggage that I must deal with, and that is really hard as
we all like to think that we have it sorted, so when we realise that we
are not as sorted as we thought we were it is crippling.

I am guessing that the next few months may be the hardest of my life so
far as I am going to have to face some of my fears and also put myself
in a very venerable position. Just the thought scares me.

Well I think that I have shared enough already. Speak to you soon.

Washing Machines and bumps in the road

Life has a problem of not going to plan, it does not run quite as
smoothly as I had hoped.

I have been worried about a friend of mine and just last night I heard
some rather upsetting news. Unfortunately I am going away on a school
residential and will not see him for over a week, so I am not going to
be able to talk to him until then!

I guess this is all just bumps in the road, we even let it puncture our
tyres or we try to get round it as best as possible.

I am also faced with making some really hard, what you might call life
changing decisions in the very near future. It would be sooner but I
keep ignoring it, someone once said 'ignorance is bliss' still not
sure if that is actually true! It is one of those decisions in life
that I even struggle to pray about, I feel as if I can not. I will try
though.

Well it is back to school again now and I am really enjoying it, I have
briefly met the new head who was extremely nice and even told me to
make an appointment to see him. I now have to think about what and how
I share our focus with him. I am sure God has it sorted.

On a completely different note I still do not have a washing machine, I
have a tumble dryer but I can not produce the wet clothes to go in it.
One of my house mates has been promising one for ages but as yet he has
not delivered!

Finally I am going to West Harrow this weekend to re-visit the church
we helped at on Soul In The City, I am really looking forward to this
as it will be great to see how God has blessed the church (I am sure he
has even if it is not numerically!).

Well time to shower shave and get ready.

Slipped up again, oh well

Opps, looks like I have missed a few appointments with my blog! Not
to worry, I guess not many (if anyone) actually reads it so I guess it does not matter if I do not post for a while.

Well back to work now and everything seems to be running smoothly,
other than the fact that my minister thought I finished with the
church at the end of September and not the end of August! Not to
worry I have tried speaking to him but to no avail as yet. Life is
to short to worry.

I really should be asleep right now but just can't. I have just
searched other bloggers from Luton, I actually know one (hi Christine).

Well I guess I should end this with the promise that I will continue
to post.

Just before I depart, feeling quite good as I have now got back into
to my fitness training, it has taken a while, so London Marathon here
I come!

PS Hopefully getting to go and have a private tour round Downing Street! How cool.

Chapter is now closed

The last young person has left and I am now here on my own with just my
thoughts as company!

Now that it is final that I moving on, all I can do is look over the
past 2 years and think about all the highs and the very few lows.
I was really touched by what they did, i was given a card that was
really amazing (I am not an emotional guy but that made me feel
emotional) a little frame with the foot prints story on, wine and
chocolates.

They were all really grateful for what all the leaders have done for
them.

I am going to go now and contemplate about all that has happened in
this chapter.

Bye

As each chapter closes..

As each chapter closes they say another one opens. Well let's hope so,
because today it is my final youth group at church before I leave.

It is rather a sad time, not just because I will miss all the young
people (although now I will see them all at school) but because it has
been amazing to be part of the adventure of starting a new youth work
in a church that was on the brink of death.

Also as I leave, as yet there is no one to pass the baton on to,
something I am praying continually for.

I am scared about what will happen, but knowing that God has this in
his plan for me gives me comfort. This does not stop me worrying about
this and that, no, it just gives me the peace that some how he will
provide.

I guess my prayer for church is that as the chapter that I was part of
closes, the chapter with the next person opens and starts in a massive
blaze of glory. Let's pray so!

Mountains not mole hills

I see the work that God is doing as mountains and not mole hills, it
may be small but I am deeply encouraged and excited about what is
happening! Read on....

It has been a rather good day in all. Firstly I spent a short time in
prayer this morning (as always I mean it to be longer, but it does not
seem to happen!), the I went into to school.

At school I was speaking to a friend about their future, my friend was
explaining to me that they have applied for a new job outside of the
school. My friend told me they want to make an impact on the lives of
young people that have been dealt a bad hand in life.

It was really great as we talked about how we can have an impact of the
lives of young people. The job may mean working with lots of young
people and only seeing them for very short periods of time that are
also spread far apart.

I said to my friend that Jesus had his 12, but with in that he had 3
that he was really close to. We talked about the circles of people
that Jesus had a relationship with an also the impact. He had the 3
and then the 12 and then the 72.

We talked about that as the number get larger we have less direct
impact, and that maybe where my friend is at now might be the best
place. I think there needs to be some time spent searching, I did tell
them that I will pray about it for them.

Later on in the evening I received a very encouraging text from them.

The next good thing was youth group, or just before. Each week I go
into the Brownies and say hi, and generally just catch up on what they
are up to. Today I had made them I pudding to share as I had promised
them ages ago. The group were really happy and the leaders were very
encouraging.

Then it was time for youth group, it was a great night in all, when it
came to the spiritual input they were slightly hard work, but then we
started to talk about "Being Good" and I told them a few stories where
people have been good to others and the affect it has had. This seemed
to really capture their imagination and I felt that God had really
birthed something in them.

So tonight I am heading to bed rather encouraged in the knowledge that
God is still working in the lives of people around me, good night, God
bless.

Time to catch Up

Well it does not seem so long ago that I was last on team retreat, but
in the next 30 minutes I will be picked up and whisked off to Turvey
Abbey. As I look back and think about what has happened since last
retreat I realise that is has been a bust 8 weeks. I have been to
Osmington with year 7; what an amazing time getting to know the young
people and also making friends with lots of teachers.

I have felt like my involvement in the life of the school has
increased. I have been asked quite a few things by teachers just
looking for some advice or even just a sounding board to off load to,
this I enjoy as it feels that they trust me.

Earlier this week I went on a jolly to pick up a pupil with teacher
(who is also a great friend) who decided to run away, got quite far out
of Luton (about 20 miles, and he was walking!). we picked him the
teacher took us all for some lunch and we talked about what had
happened. It seemed that he just worked himself up into a state. We
then took him back home and chatted with his parents about what and how
we can help him.

It was good to be able to help the teacher and the pupil, I told the
teacher that I am praying for him, at which point she was pleased.

It is sometimes hard to let teachers or even pupils that I praying for
them or about issues. It does seem though that God really does bless
these words.

Oh well time to leave.

Death comes to us all

It is something that we know will come to us all, but when it happens
to someone we know or even 2 people in 2 days we suddenly have a
reality check.

Part of being a youth worker is helping young people deal with
bereavement whether it be family divorce or death, at those times it is
easy to be understanding and be the voice of reason, but when I am put
in the position of the one bereaving it becomes very different.

As a Christian death can feel harder to deal with as you have to face
the fact that maybe the person who died may not be entering the kingdom
of God, when young people ask this it is a very difficult question to
answer at such sensitive times.

I feel that i have probably said enough and now need to go and deal
with my own thoughts and emotions.

The man moves!

After a long Sunday, the thought of finishing the day with youth group
is not the greatest. So I sit down and try to prepare and gather the
few thoughts that I have as I attempt to make something out of nothing.

Once I have gone over what we will look at, it dawns on me that i have
not prayed and asked for the guidance that I so desperately need. So I
spend the next few moments in prayer asking God that he works in these
young peoples lives today, that he gives them the confidence to trust
each other and actually say what they really think even if it goes
against Him. Now that i have prayed I feel slightly better and also
have an idea for how to finish the evening in prayer.

Well the group starts and everyone is chatting and we are having fun,
we then start the topic of the evening and everything just goes from
there. It was great they were challenging each other, they were asking
each other personal question (really getting to know each other), God
had really answered my prayer. Even at the end when I asked them to
share stuff about their families (for so many young people this is such
a raw painful subject) they all jumped at the chance. they wrote down
real issues that they were having with their families, God was really
moving!

It was an amazing evening, the kind that really infuse you to carry on
with youth work, the glimmer of hope that reminds you that God is still
in control no matter what anyone else thinks.

the rug has been pulled

it feels as if the rug has been pulled from underneath me. To see
England leave Euro 2004 like that was heart breaking.

It seemed as if it was 11 v 12 tonight.

Nothing else to say really.

It's all about the fuzzy feeling

So far so good I believe the saying is, day 2 and I am still blogging.
Being able to do it via email makes life easier, and it is all about
making life easier.

Everything we seem to do now has to be easy or it is not worth doing,
we need that instant feel good factor or we just give up. In school I
have people ask me why am I a Christian? I tell them that it is what I
put my hope in, God is their for me, He listens to me Jesus paid a
price I could not. Then I sit back and think this all sounds great,
but what about the other side? The side where people mock you for
standing for what you believe in? Even people close to me will
sometimes put me down for following something that they do not
understand (or even sometimes do not want to understand). Where is the
feel good factor here? There is no fuzzy feeling, just heart ache.

As I look at the bible I see that Jesus did not call us to live a great
life that is full of happiness, health and wealth, but to live a life
pleasing to God! Maybe this is the feel good factor, pleasing God - I
know that that is true but it is hard to remember when life gets you
down.

Having faith is hard work, some days I feel I have lots other days I
have less than a Luton Town football fan who in his heart says we will
be in the premier ship soon but knows in his head no chance. WHy
should I hang on in their when it seems all around me give up on
everything at the first sign of trouble? Young people in school are
the classic examples, the half try something, think that they can not
do it so they just give up. I do not believe that they learn this
themselves, but believe that we as their examples are showing them
this. Marriage break ups, at the first sign of trouble some couples
are already on the solicitors door step. We all say that it is to
hard!

Having faith is hard but it is also what picks me up when I feel I have
been kicked to the ground. Check faith out for your self, don't just
take my word for it - read the gospel of Mark.

Any comments let me know.

Football is life

As I am getting ready to sleep all I can think about is how football is taking over my life. i am dreaming of seeing England lifting the cup on the 4th July. i feel so happy to see that Germany and Italy are going home, I am working out who we will be playing in the semi's and also how fantastic it will be when we meet France in the final and reclaim the victory that was stolen from in our first match.

As this runs through my mind I also think I really must work out my proirities, oh well that will be on the to do list for tomorrow.

Start Blogging

I have heard a lot about blogging, tried it briefly (check out youth
work blogg) but have not yet been committed enough.

After reading a few other peoples bloggs I thought that I would try
again, I have not doubt I will be repeating these words again.

I guess that because it is my blogg I can talk or type, about anything
that I want. Well today has been a rather strange day, as i entered
school it all started. A young person who I work with was sitting in
reception, so I said hello, how you doing and so on. i then asked her
how she was doing, she said that she is not well and going home. I
know this the norm for any school kid, but I know about her and just
felt really sad for all that she is going through.

Next I went to some teachers in school who are great and are now good
friends, they too were have a hard day. I talked to them about what
was happening and it was all about what the mentees were going through.
I left school today with a heavy heart, I just had a lot of these
young people on my mind. I could not stop thinking about all that they
had to go though at such a young age. I spent some time praying for
them, but then started to think how can I help and support them? To
this question I am still looking for divine answers.

It has been fantastic in school recently, just getting to know teachers
better and feeling like I am becoming a real part of the school. As I
am going to be going full time LCET and leaving the church youth work,
I still feel slightly nervous, it has not helped not being able to
share with all my church family that I am leaving. I am sure everyone
will find out soon.

Other life struggles, but these are personal. i really want to have a
God centered life but am always facing the same struggle... forgetting
to look to God daily. I am trying to re-learn and start each day with
some worship and prayer, I will keep you posted.

Any way that is enough for now or I will have nothing to talk about
later.